100 Posts in 100 Days
If you’ve been following 100 Posts in 100 Days, then you know I’m on a bit of a roll when it comes to metaphors. It started with sharing some thoughts about coaching & leadership as a string of pearls in Post 48, which led to a follow up about creating your own metaphors in post 49. Then I shared a variety of ways to consider “What’s on/off your plate” in post 53.
There is another metaphor I’ve thought a lot about recently. I keep thinking about it because it has been used in several different situations this year and because it has given me some new insights that I think are critical for effective leadership. They say the best lessons are often borne out of challenges, and that is true in the way I’ve been thinking about this metaphor. I’m almost certain that similar challenges are faced by educators at other schools, too.
To summarize, we had a few different moments this past year where different stakeholder groups held different opinions about work-in-progress. In holding tightly to their respective opinions, emotional reactions surfaced, resulting in some people reconsidering their making motivation and level of engagement in the work. Some individuals indicated intent to discontinue their participation. Others reacted by describing those choices as “taking their ball and going home.”
Let me be transparent: there were times this year that I was part of the group taking my ball and there were times this year where I was judging others for taking their ball.
Looking back on the situations, I don’t think the metaphor was used well in the moment. With the benefit of reflection, though, I can see that this metaphor is prime for thinking about issues of access, equity, and inclusion and am grateful that it can shed some perspective and critical thinking.
When I pause long enough to truly reflect on why someone would want to “take their ball and go home?” a number of assumptions arise that lead to new thinking and leadership lessons.
First, the metaphor implies that we are all playing a game. Games have rules and boundaries. If everyone joins the game knowing the rules and is playing by the rules, why would someone want to leave? Did they know the rules before the game began? Were the rules given to them? Was there any discussion of the rules before the game started? The leadership lesson here is to make sure everyone is clear about expectations. They need to know the rules of the game and their individual role in the game. When they do, they can focus on their specific responsibilities and the unique skills they bring to the work.
Second, there is an implication in the metaphor of competition, if not opposing teams. But what makes this a competitive match rather than a friendly? Are there really opposing teams? Shouldn’t we all be on the same team? When I reflect on this past year and the use of this metaphor, I see a missed leadership opportunity: the chance to share a narrative of all of us on the same team, working to achieve a common goal. I submit that if expectations had been more clear from the beginning, then the idea of teamwork might have taken precedent over competition and opposition.
Third, and this is a hard one, who actually has the ball? What if the reason to go home is because someone else is holding the ball and you can’t get it? How motivating is it to play if the game has become one of “keep away”? This idea possibly reveals power dynamics, systemic barriers, and hard truths to confront. Admitting that there is a ball hog preventing full engagement of all the players to begin with is not an easy thing to do. It’s probably even harder to address. The lesson here is to make sure that all of the players have access to the ball and are fully included in the game.
Finally, every player has an end to their career (well, maybe not Tom Brady…but that’s another story). When is it time for someone to leave the game? After all, one of the problem solving strategies we explicitly teach our elementary aged children is that they can choose another game. Leaving a game and choosing another one is not the same thing as giving up or throwing a tantrum. I think the metaphor comes dangerously close to making the assumption that players are leaving for the wrong reasons. I think there can be healthy, positive reasons for leaving a game and I don’t think players should be judged for that. Suspending judgment is important. Sometimes a player’s health, mentally or physically, might be at stake.
What I’ve learned by reflecting on the situations that I was in this year where this metaphor was used is that I could have been a better player & contributor if I had engaged in more discussion about the playing conditions and who had access to the ball. Now when I hear the phrase “taking the ball and going home,” I’m more likely to assess the situation through the lenses of clear expectations with known roles, systemic strategies for access and communication, and suspending judgment.