100 Posts in 100 Days
This isn’t the post I had planned to write, but my last two posts on 10 Shifts to Our Leadership Meetings and Empowerment & Decision Making led me here. Read on for a practical strategy that you could use to help balance participation in a meeting.
A few years ago, I was asked to facilitate a group of colleagues on a multi-day retreat. It was one of the first times I would be leading this group. For an added challenge, I had dual (or dueling!) roles of participant and facilitator.
Our group’s pattern of behavior had been that certain voices dominated conversations while other voices were rarely, if ever, heard. We were going to be having important decision-making conversations during this retreat and it felt essential to ensure that all perspectives were part of the dialogue.
So, I came up with a plan. In all honesty, it was a plan informed by my years teaching children ages 5-8 who were learning to take turns. I was scared to introduce the idea to this group of adult colleagues, worried that they would rebel and refuse to go along with it.
The moment came for a high-stakes conversation. As individuals entered the meeting room, I handed each of them 3 “Talking Tokens”, aka poker chips. When everyone was in the room and seated, I explained that we were about to engage in shared reading and discussion. During the discussion, each person who wanted to contribute an idea or an opinion would need to “spend” a talking token. Essentially, each person had a chance to make 3 contributions to the discussion. I was nervously watching their faces and body language.
It only took moments for the puzzled faces to be overcome by an eruption of voices. They weren’t rebelling, but they were trying to bargain. And not just with me, but with each other. “Can’t we each have 5 tokens?”, “Can we ask someone else to give us their token?”, “If we ask a follow-up question, does that cost a token?”. They were taking my basic ground rules and co-creating their own version. They were up for the game-ification of our discussion and I was relieved.
The ensuing discussion was remarkable for us. Members of our team carefully thought about what they wanted to say before they said it. Members of our team actively listened to one another and built upon previous comments. Members of our team noticed when there were colleagues who still had all 3 tokens in hand and invited them to share their perspective. “I see you still have all of your tokens. What are you thinking about our ideas?” By the time we got to the decision-making portion of our discussion, we had more thorough shared understanding and were able to come to agreements that we could all support.
Upon reflection of the process, usually vocal members commented that they had to spend more time evaluating what they wanted to say and if it would truly move the conversation forward. Normally quiet members of the group shared that they didn’t feel pressured to “spend” their tokens, but that they also knew that there would be time for them to comment when they were ready.
I had hoped (and worried) that this process would help this group truly attend to each other. It worked and I was pleased. One of the best parts was that I had planned to use the “talking tokens” for one conversation. It was so successful that all weekend long, every time we convened as a group, I heard the refrain, “Where are my talking tokens?” It became our retreat ritual.